I failed today internet. I failed. I failed at my job. At being a person. At taking care of my house. I failed my diet. I have failed to blog on a regular basis. I failed in so many big and small ways. This isn't new for me. I have failed before. I know I will fail again. I also know somehow that this failure is just a piece of me. That it doesn't define the whole of me. It is just a piece of who I am.
I know all that. Its just that sometimes the failure is so palpable that I can't see through this dense fog of failure to the knowledge of who I am. Sometimes I just want to get on my hands and knees and try and crawl through the fog to a place where I can hide. Run away. I want to run away from my failure. If I were 6, I might hide myself in my closet with all my favorite things. If I were 16, I might pack a bag and head for a friend's house or more likely, just a place I could be by myself. If I were still 25, I might just get in my car and drive until I ran out of gas.
But I am 36. I can't run away. I have too much responsibility. And furthermore, I am old enough to know that running away won't help anything. No, the only way to get through the fog is to put my head down and lean my shoulder into it and just get through it.
I failed today. But I will do better tomorrow. And I will fail again. The failure doesn't define the whole of who I am. It is just a piece of me.
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