by way of introduction

"Sometimes the words are so close I am more who I am when I am down on paper than anywhere else"...

When I first read those words written by Julia Alavarez, it felt like someone had finally verbalized that thing I had been trying to say for 30 years. Have you ever had a conversation with someone and just not been able to think of the name of a person or a book or a movie and then it sort of follows you around for the rest of the day as a sort of aching gnaw at the back of your grey matter? You aren't even aware you are still puzzling over it, pondering it but your mind is still chewing on it until three days latter in the middle of a completely unrelated conversation you suddenly shout out 'Ally Sheedy' or 'For Whom the Bell Tolls' or whatever it was. That sense of release and accomplishment and satisfaction and discovery - that is what I felt when I first read those words.

And I feel it still to some degree. I still believe it is true. I am better defined, better presented, better in general when I put my thoughts on paper. But with the sageness of a few advanced years, I see that the root of the question now is not who I am on paper. The real question is "who am I?"