What do I want to be when I grow up? I have been asking myself that a lot lately. Internally, of course. Can you imagine if I was walking around town repeating out loud to myself "What do I want to be when I grow up?"? I think that might actually take the question off the table in the form of a straight jacket.
The problem with the question is, I think, that I don't really want to grow up. I do not want to be grown up. And not in the really charming, i-want-to-be-a-kid-forever-and-Peter-Pan-is-my-hero sort of way. I mean, I don't want to worry about a mortgage payment and health insurance and checking accounts and laundry and grocery shopping and oil changes and all the other really boring and repetitive responsibilities that come with being a grown up.
I am not making light of the fact that I have checking accounts and laundry and health insurance and a mortgage and a car to get the oil changed in. I really am very grateful for all the blessings I have in my life. I don't want to come across as ungrateful.
Its just that currently I feel so bogged down in all of this grown up stuff. I feel tied down by a paycheck and I hate it. What would I do with my time if I didn't have to work? Read, sew, sleep in, paint the bedroom, watch movies, run, hike, travel, learn to snowboard, sea kayak. I would learn Portugese by spending months in Lisbon, live on a mountain top and write fantastic stories that make people cry and laugh out loud. I would travel North America in a tricked out Suburban with back seats that fold down into a queen size bed and a skylight so I can lay there and look at the stars or watch it rain.
I know everybody says that you should find something you are passionate about and make that your lifes work. But the thing is that what I really want to do changes as often as Cyndi Lauper changes her hairstyle and I really don't think I am going to make much of a living reading random news article on the internet and sewing 10 different outfits only half way. And who is going to pay me to travel the states in my suburban? Even if it does have a built in kitchen with a working sink and an outdoor shower with hot water. Seriously, I have the plans if you want to see it sometime. They are quite detailed. I even bought the appropriate suitcase to travel with.
How in the world can I make a living just being delightfully odd?
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